now that my house is on the market, i suppose i will reveal this badly-kept secret: i am moving to bangkok.

why:
in short, to be closer to my family. given my dad's latest round of health scare and the parents' advanced age in general, i feel that it is important. plus, i'm in a bit of a rut here.

where:
bangkok, thailand! i'll stay at the parents while i look for a place of my own. nothing like turning 34 and moving back in with your parents :) i doubt it will be a permanent move, though. perhaps this will open some doors for other countries. if not, there's always seattle.

when:
whenever i sell my place. in this uncertain market, it is difficult to say. hopefully within two months.

how:
well, i will be selling most of my belongings - furnitures, electronics, appliances - and ship the rest via freight to bangkok...mostly clothing, books, and records. then it's one way ticket from msp to bkk. my last day of work will be 6/30, after which i will spend my unemployed days prepping for the move, catching up on books and movies, lounging (sans pantalons, naturally) at home, and hopefully not getting hooked on days of our lives again. i am telling myself i will find some enriching activities to participate in to fill my days, but i don't know...

so, yeah! there are some things i will miss here but i am pretty excited about the move.

so we changed our facebook relationship status today (hers to single, i just blanked mine). what a strange age we live in when finality comes in the form of mouse clicks. she came back from a week in amsterdam this weekend and we got together on saturday under the pretense of picking up pepin, her dwarf hamster i was petsitting. i had dinner cancellation so we had dinner and hung out at home. it was enjoyable until the inevitable awkwardness at the end. she told me the decision she made in amsterdam: either be with her or we can't see each other anymore. i felt like i had to break up with her for the 2nd time...it fucking sucks.

i also gave her home computer since her itunes library is on there. it was sad deleting my own account. and i hardly got to use the new 22" LCD! oh well, good bye, vista, i won't miss you.

this saturday, we will do the final walk through of her stuff at my place then our paths will fork. temporary, i hope; i would like to have her in my life as a friend eventually.

in other news, i completed the nookie supreme challenge at the shamrocks on friday! two double cheeseburgers baskets. it was a dubious accomplishment and i got a t-shirt to prove it.

is my happiness worth hurting another person for? a person who loves me and gave herself fully to me? a person whom i love...or once loved? there should be a law against being able to inflict such pain and sorrow on another person.

kelly came over to pack her things into boxes this evening while i was out and she left a really sad note. i've wrecked and betrayed a good person and i am very sad about that. i've had bad break ups (not that any of them were good...) but nothing can compare to this. i mean, the event itself, while super emotional, was handled in a civil and adult manner; there was no yelling or throwing of stuff...just a lot of tears and heartbreak. it's the aftermath that is heavy beyond imagination. (well, i had an idea but you can't really prepare for this kind of thing...the heart feels what it wants -- whether joy or pain.)

is it guilt i am feeling? i didn't know guilt could be so sad. i guess some murderers do cry out of guilt. i feel like data with the emotion chip: i've learned a new emotion today! true guilt! it's terrible!

what's my repentance? is there one? i am being as accommodating as i can to her. we've tried to talk about it but it hurts her too much as it's probably too soon. plus the urge to make out and touch each other is too great. is there anything i can do to ease her pain? other than give her time (which isn't mine to give)?

livejournal, i know i have neglected you. the truth is i got bored updating my life for however many years in a row. i became a reader instead of a participant. then came facebook. i could keep up with more people than i ever could with you...and in a convenient compact form at that; i didn't need to read about their lives every day, you know?

anyway, i am turning to you again now in time of need. thanks for taking me back.

i broke up with kelly last wednesday. i had just returned from spending five weeks in thailand. things just weren't the same for various reasons that are too private to write down here. i felt like shit. i feel like shit. i hurt one of the best people i know i'll ever meet. she has been my best friend for three years and i love her...just not -- oh god this is so cliched -- in love with her. i may go into the juicy details in selected friends only posts. if you are not already lj friend and want to read about it (and you think i will let you read about it) then feel free to let me know.

anyway, it was the most difficult thing i've had to do...and probably the worst thing i've done to another person. i've had break ups before, sure, but not this difficult, not this emotional. i truly enjoy kelly's company and i come to think of her as my other half. but fucking-a, i just fell out of love with her and i couldn't look at her the same way she looks at me. and that's not a good feeling.

i miss her company. i miss being us. today was the most difficult one...after soccer, i finished watching a movie (chocolate...pretty good. new one by the director of ong bak. it's like ong bak except with a girl. a cute girl...that kicks ass. i can imagine the amount of fanboy letters she's going to get now) and i just felt this incredible wave of loneliness. the house was dark. i have no one to talk to at home. heck, no one to talk to, really. i made dinner. i discovered that she took with her a set of fancy knives that i gave her for her pastry school. i came to love those knives so now i'll have to shell out for them again. i ate alone while watching old episodes of lost that we were going to watch together. and i thought of four more months like this that lay ahead. (there's a life event sometime in june that i don't want to mention here yet.) it's a depressing thought.

yeah, i've been teary everyday. i am missing my other half. i think you would too. i know time will help.

ok, thank you, livejournal! pity party is over! i am going to go clean the shower (that she recaulked while i was away), take a shower, and read. i almost want to go to work tomorrow just so i don't have to spend another whole day at home. (it's presidents day, see, and we get a day off.) mayhap i'll go shopping tomorrow -- she took measuring spoon set i got her for xmas. and immersion blender the xmas before. fuck! break up is expensive on so many levels: emotionally, mentally, financially, socially, and even physically for she's the best sex i've ever had!

i'll be in bangkok jan 2 - feb 6.

like most people, i am so glad the election is coming to a close. no more campaign ads, no more rallying emails and phone calls, no more campaign news, no more feeling slightly strange about your co-workers' support for the other party. and i am excited to be glued to the telly tonight as the results pour in.

for our senatorial race, i voted for the independent party candidate, dean barkley. you may remember him as the guy jesse ventura appointed to take over wellstone temporarily after his death. it's my first time voting for the IP! while i agree with al franken on most issues, his campaign was a disappointment and no better than coleman's. naturally, if coleman wins by one vote, i would never hear the end of it from fellow dems.

i am volunteering to shuttle people to/from their polling place tonight. not sure what to expect :)

i didn't even bother to look when my last update was.

went to check out a new thai restaurant in nordeast called sen yai sen lek ("big noodle, small noodle"). it was tres bizzay and we waited for like 30 mins for our take out order. kelly's iced coffee came in a sauce container cuz apparently they don't have to go cups. all was forgiven once we got home to eat the food, though. upon eating my stir-fried noodle with ground beef and kelly's drunken noodle, i immediately placed it among the top thai places in town (this rarefied group includes true thai and krua thailand...others just don't have the consistency and authenticity for me...i like to be proven wrong, though!). anyway, check it out. excellent, tasty, authentic food with menu gearing toward one-plate street food spectrum -- pretty rare outside of, say, LA and NY. can't wait to go back and try more stuff! i need to go check out the new thai place @ ketsana's old space as well.

my lunch today consisted of the leftover drunken noodle, rice, and gailan from hk noodles (it was a lazy takeoutriffic weekend). yummy comfort food for me.

oh, ken and nicki also got married this weekend. yay! i got to wear my new suit, finally.

i am getting into the new season of heroes. i thought it was a bit lackluster at the beginning but it's ramping up nicely with old characters reappearing. time travel can be such a cop out plot device. i hope they will pull it off with sophistication!

28 days until election! i wonder if there will be some major scandal before then.

poor bangkok is under turmoil again. i hope for a peaceful ending soon...the situation is not good for anybody. speaking from an outsider point of view, the king should rally the people and inspire an end to the episode but what do i know?

went to state fair! click on the pictorial for more pics, including the not-so-awesome freak show!

little things that get me through the day #213:

i have a pair of pants that has zipper on each side pocket. while talking to a co-worker in his/her cube, i like to unzip it to see their reaction.

economy is in the shitter so i am selling my old camera!

http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/pho/797332831.html

i'd like to find british-style chicken tikka masala around here. yes, every indian restaurant has one on their menu -- it's like pad thai or kung pao chicken -- but i am talking about red-dyed, oily-on-the-top, soupy goodness here. i had one in DC and was instanly smitten. that said, i am still sad that mysore has closed; it was the best indian food i've had here. i'm also curious about indian-chinese food. i hear it's quite tasty but it seems one needs to travel to india for it.

i am reading the picture of dorian gray. such a great book. oscar wilde would probably be amused to know that i'm reading it entirely in the bathroom.

i have sports medicine appt in about an hour here to follow up on my calf. i think i'll have them do my left knee as well when they're x-raying my calf; it's been hurting randomly.

tuna escaped last night after i went to throw away his poop. he's quite stealthy. after a quick search, i found him outside on the beam of the atrium! damn near gave me a heart attack. (i live on the 6th floor.) he was so nice the day after his neutering...if only he could be neutered again.

long time since the last update! nothing particularly of note, but then i realized that i'm not trying to change the world of online journaling here.

highlight reel!

- the dark knight rocks. it almost transcends comic book movie genre. and there's a trailer for the watchmen!
- i tore my left calf during soccer like 4-6 weeks ago. it felt like someone kicked my leg but i don't think anyone did; it just popped. the recovery process hasn't been very forthcoming, partly due to my lack of strict observance of rest, ice, compression, elevation (RICE!) and partly due to me continuing to play once a week. i have an appt this friday for more in depth prognosis.
- tuna, the new kitten, is getting his balls snippy-snippy tomorrow. today is his last day as a real man! maybe we'll watch porn and drink beer all day.
- kelly is camping this weekend so i am home alone. i had a grand plan of thoroughly cleaning and rearranging the house but, of course, i haven't done much. played a lot of tiger woods on wii and that inspired me to play some real golf last evening. solo twilight golf was surprisingly enjoyable, even if there was no one to witness my awesome straight-as-an-arrow 290 yard drive on one hole which set up my only par of the day. i three-putted almost every hole!
- i got a ps3! i managed to get the hard-to-find 80gb metal gear solid bundle from newegg. it's gorgeous, but i am still playing the wii most of the time. watching movie on blu-ray is amazing, though. finally, native 7.1 surround sound to go with my system!
- some mofo kicked the rear driver side panel of my car! there was a boot print and everything. sadly the CSI crew didn't want to take it for analysis. i should get it estimated to be fixed but with $500 deductible, i am holding out.
- ah nuts, i didn't win powerball.
- i am attending my first fringe festival show! it's about shakespeare and zombies! those are like my two favoritest things ever. if they throw in bacon and scarlett johansson, i'd be set. "friends, romans, countrymen, lend me your brains!"

rip, tim russert.

r. kelly acquitted.

i feel slightly creepy for finding larissa kelly's facebook page. she is, of course, the recent 6-time jeopardy champ that i have a crush on. i knew she had me when she wagered $8,000 on the daily double. that, and she's cute and polite. since she lost, watching jeopardy just hasn't been the same...

a week later, washington dc pics are up! the flickr uploadr wouldn't work at home. i'm not terribly happy with the connection at home. i have to reset the cable modem almost daily and the router every few weeks. shoddy equipments! oh, right, the pics!


best anecdote from the trip:

we were sitting at a bar, waiting for our dinner, at al tiramisu (which was the best italian i've ever had!) and this regular came in. we knew he was a regular because everyone greeted him very warmly and he had called 10 minutes prior to tell them he was coming in and they set out a setting for him at the bar. the bartender inquired as to how he was and asked him about his car.

"oh, i took the maserati today. the ferrari is being built. yeah, it's still at maranello."

kelly and i raised eyebrows at eachother, both impressed and disgusted at the manner of how it was mentioned. so casual...like he just got a new pair of sneakers. turns out he's a lobbyist. if you need any confirmation that money and power flow freely in DC, there it is.

landmarks visited in DC, to the best of my recollection:

museum of natural history
lincoln memorial
vietnam war memorial
korean war memorial
world war II memorial
iwo jima memorial
fdr memorial
library of congress
the capitol
supreme court
union station
air & space museum
washington monument
holocaust museum

all that in three days! pictures to follow. i like DC a lot. i wouldn't mind moving there. and the number of times "national treasure" was mentioned was almost comical...at least twice per tour! (from guide and tourists alike.)

i'll be in DC next thursday-sunday. originally planned to meet my parents there but my dad got sick and is being restricted from travelling. but the hotel is already paid for so kelly and i are going. it turns out my cousins will meet us there in my parents place! we're planning on hitting: air and space museum, natural history museum, newseum, holocaust museum, and national zoo. plus tours arranged with our congressperson -- keith ellison's -- office: the capitol, library of congress, and the supreme court. (apparently, the white house and pentagon tours require a month's notice and background check.)

i rented canon 10-22mm lens for the occasion; the wide angle lens should capture all the architecture our capital has to offer nicely!

very shameful and subtle hint: it's getting closer to my birthday and i updated my amazon wishlist with some classics i've been meaning to read. help me become more literate!

meet tuna! i didn't expect to get him, but we just love his stripes. i forgot how kittens get the random crazies. it seems he only has an on or off setting. kelly said the in-between gears come later.